Today is a very special day, little G turns ONE. Today...marks the ONE year anniversary of me fulfilling my dream of becoming a Mom. Today, I celebrate surviving the FIRST year in the new chapter of my life. A chapter at one point, I never thought I would get to experience.
A few of you know the struggles we had getting pregnant, most of you were not aware. I was the face of infertility for six years…it was the deepest, darkest, saddest time in my life. I struggled. I struggled with "why me?" Why was everyone around me having babies and I couldn’t. Who did I piss off? I cried. I hurt. I prayed. I tried to keep my chin up when every.single.month. the EPT (pregnancy test) gave me a big fat NEGATIVE (I saw about SEVENTY TWO big fat negatives, but who was counting?). I tried to remain positive when two cycles of IUI and FIVE cycles of IVF at clinics all over the country never resulted in a positive pregnancy test. I tried to be strong when after SIX years of trying, out of the blue we got pregnant and then lost the baby at 11 weeks. This world is cruel. I wanted to give up. I wanted to throw in the towel. I wanted to crawl in a corner, curl up and die. But I wanted a baby even more. Some may call me crazy, I call myself determined. So why am I talking about infertility and sadness on G’s birthday? Because I can’t help but think “what if I had quit trying?” If I had quit, I would never have been able to sit here and write this with a heart more full of JOY than I ever could have imagined. I actually wouldn’t be writing this at all because this blog would not exist. Little G and my journey to get him brought so much light from the darkness. He is the reason I cleaned up my lifestyle and started learning as much about health and nutrition as I could. I am convinced our struggles getting pregnant were a direct reflection of environmental factors, coupled with our broken food system and the massive amount of toxins we are exposed to on a daily basis. So while my journey brought much sorrow, it also brought me a new life and a healthier life. During my journey I crossed paths with one of the most beautiful women I know who happened to be on the same journey as me, she is now like a sister to me. It also brought me a career I am passionate about and a job that excites me to go to work every day. And most of all, it enabled my husband and I to build one of the most amazing bonds and our marriage is stronger than I ever could have imagined.
So with that, Happy Birthday G. You are my heart, you are my soul, you are my life. If it were not for you, I would not be able to celebrate the most amazing life and most of all I wouldn’t be able to call myself Mom. I love you with all my heart!
ZERO MONTHS
THREE MONTHS
SIX MONTHS
NINE MONTHS
ONE YEAR